Monday, February 24, 2014


So, last week I shared about our struggle with infertility (you can read about it here)   and I am so glad I did! Several other sweet bloggers commented & shared their stories and I just want to say thank you to all of you! It really helps knowing we are not alone :) I also shared that we are doing IVF! But let me back up a little to fill you in on what we are dealing with.

The past 5 years have been so frustrating for so many reasons..but especially when you do not know why you are not getting pregnant! We spent soo much money and did so many tests and blood work and ultrasounds but never had an answer. I know this is a common thing and not just something we have dealt with. We also knew that we did not want to go back to Nashville Fertility but let me just say something really fast!! I am not saying it is a bad place with bad doctors. I have a friend from church who works there and we also have friends who are currently going there and are happy with their doctor. WE just had a terrible experience and when you mix that with something that is a very sensitive subject, it can cause bad feelings! Anyway :)

I have been reading Julee Turner's blog for several years and I also follow her on IG. One day she posted on IG about how much she loved her fertility doctor. His name is Dr. Sherman Silber at St. Luke's Hospital in St. Louis. I started doing some research on him and found out that he is one of the top fertility specialists in the country! So when we were blessed financially to be able to even consider IVF, we knew we wanted to meet with him. We set up our consult and took off to St. Louis on January 29th. It is 4 1/2 from where we live but it was actually a really fun road trip! We were exhausted by the end of the day though because we did it all in one day and got home about midnight! They do ultrasounds there that can tell you where you are on your biological clock. Let me just tell you, I was nervous. I thought it was going to say my time is up.. After the ultrasound, we went over to meet with him so he could tell us the results....

He told me I was born with a disease - PCOS. He also said that I have a crazy abnormal amount of antral follicles (which are eggs) for my body size. You would think that having a ton of eggs would be a good thing BUT it is actually causing my body & hormones to not work properly and because of that: I never ovulate! That is why I have never gotten pregnant. That is why the clomid never worked. Another crazy thing he told me.... as I get older and my eggs die off, I will have the appropriate amount for my body size so I will probably start ovulating in my 40's! And that I more than likely will not go through menopause until my 70's! I was shocked. But I am so glad that I finally know WHY now! He said IVF is our best bet so that is what we are doing. We are so glad we found Dr. Silber! We love him and his staff and trust him 100%. I think that one of the most important things is trusting your doctor!

IVF is pretty long process! We had tonnnns of paperwork and had to get medical releases and blood work to check for diseases and so on...But I think the most overwhelming thing so far has been when the cooler full of meds were delivered to my front door! This is what all this cooler consisted of:

I let Josh go through it when he got home and it made sense to him since he is an EMT, thank goodness.
 The first step was to start on birth control for 2 weeks and I actually just took my last pill last night. The birth control pills decrease the chances of creating cysts that could interfere with the cycle & it also allows the doctor to control the timing of the cycle. I was on birth control when I was younger and it used to make me so sick so I was worried.. but I never got sick or nauseous or anything!

 Then came the shots.... I had to start doing Lupron injections last Thursday. Lupron suppresses the pituitary gland so that the ovaries will not be able to make an egg or ovulate without taking gonadotropins. Josh has done them every night except for tonight. He is working so I had to do it myself and it was so hard :( It took about 10 minutes for me to get the nerve to do it. I have never liked shots but honestly they have never been a big deal either. I will get them at the doctor's office- no problem. But this is different! We have mainly been doing them in my stomach but it seems to hurt more and more each time so last night we did it in my thigh. It didn't seem to hurt quite as bad. As far as side effects go: I can tell I am more tired during the day. And more emotional FOR SURE! And probably a little more irritable. But that is about it.

I will continue just doing the Lupron for another week and then cutting back the dosage and adding a couple of different shots. Not looking forward to it but it will be SO worth it one day :)  

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Opening up about {infertility}

I  am not sure how to even begin this post. For some reason, saying it out loud (or in this case, typing!) can be so hard. But who knew that we would be that one couple out of ten that would be dealing with infertility. I have decided to share our story to hopefully help others going through the same thing. Just knowing you are not alone and hearing other people's experiences have helped me, and I want to do the same. I also want this to be a journal so I do not forget our journey step by step!

It all started 5 1/2 years ago when we got married :) We both looove kids and wanted them pretty soon after marriage. So we decided 6 months after we got married that I would quit taking birth control and just see what happens. After 6 months of nothing happening, I  talked to my OB-GYN and he suggested waiting another 6 months and then trying clomid. So that is what we did. I took clomid 50 mg for 2 months with no luck. My follicle size was not good so they put me on 100 mg instead. It did seem to help with the follicle size but still I was not pregnant. So after 5 months total of clomid, he said there was nothing more he could do and he referred us to Nashville Fertility. We saved up some money and about a year later made an appointment for a consultation and what a terrible experience that was!! Our consultation cost almost $3000 and we left with no answers! We were so upset and devastated! After that experience, we decided to take a break from the doctor route and just see what happens again. Well, another year goes by and still no baby! We then decided to try an IUI. We tried for 4 months to actually get one scheduled because the IUI date kept on falling on the weekend when my doctor was going to be out of town. FINALLY, we were able to do it. My follicle size was not the best but we decided to try it anyway....and it did not work :( We were so upset! We decided to take another break after that. Financially and emotionally- we just needed a break! Fast forward 2 years later to now..still no baby! Not even one positive pregnancy test in 5 years.

The past 5 years have been very hard emotionally. We have prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle and for healing. There were times where I felt so far from God during that time. I felt like He never heard my prayers. I think the 1st and 2nd year were the hardest. I never thought about anything else except for getting pregnant. I wished every single month away..... It did get easier with time. My prayers began to shift into praying for contentment for this season we are in. I prayed that God would give me peace and that HE would help ME put HIM in control of my life. And to just be still and know that He is God. I wrote different scriptures on post its and put them all over my house as reminders. I am not going to say that it was not hard and that it was easy. But His grace has helped me make it through the last 5 years. I remember hearing stories of people who have been trying for years and years and years to get pregnant. Honestly, I remember thinking that I would just DIE if I had to wait that long. But here I am. I am still alive 5 years later! And it is all because of Him.

Looking back, I am thankful that it didn't happen right away for many reasons. It has given me time with my husband! There were a lot of times when the stress caused arguments, but overall it has made us SO much closer!! It has also given us time to start a home together and build up our careers. I have my salon in my basement and it is going great. AND Josh now has the job he has always wanted! He has been through a lot of schooling and training the past couple of years and it would have made it harder if we had children. We could have made it work like people do... but it definitely would have been harder! Most of all, it has allowed me to have a closer relationship with the Lord! I have learned to lean on Him and fully trust him 100%!! I don't think I could have honestly said that a few years ago.

Last year, we began praying that God would show us His will for our lives. We were ready to take it to the next step. We were not sure what that next step would be, but we know we wanted God's will. We had several doctors over the years tell us we would have to do IVF to get pregnant & we were starting to lean that way. But it just always seemed so out of reach financially... But God opened that door for us the week before Christmas.. We had 2 different couples that we love and look up to come to us within 12 hours of each other and give us money for IVF! In 12 hours, we had all the money we needed!! It was such an answer to prayer! Neither one of them knew that the other was doing it...and they all felt led by the Lord to do it. And that was our confirmation :) We had prayed and prayed for so long to get pregnant.. and this was His way of providing for us. We are so so thankful.

We are very excited about this next journey!!! I will fill you in on my next post all of the details but I start my first injection tonight! We are very aware that this could be a process and take several tries but no matter what happens- We are trusting the Lord!! He is in control.