22 weeks!

How far along? 22 weeks & 4 days

Total weight gain: When we went to the doctor 2 weeks ago, it was 9 lbs. I know I have gained a few since then!

Maternity clothes? mostly yes. I bought a cute pair of shorts and jeans from Motherhood Maternity that I love and wear all the time. I have been surprised to find really cute maternity clothes! I also wear maxi skirts & maxi dresses a lot (non maternity). I have a few maternity shirts but honestly I am not crazy about them! Since I am short (5 foot!) they are all super long on me. So I try to stick to non maternity longer shirts for now. 

Stretch marks? No, not yet! My belly has been itching a lot the past week so I know it is growing like crazy right now! I have been using Palmer's lotion and also a homemade body butter that a friend made for me. I switch them up and use them twice a day! Hope it works but we shall see....

Sleep: It comes & goes! I usually wake up at least once in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Sometimes when I wake up, I am wide awake and cannot go back to sleep :( Everyone says it is God's way of preparing you for those middle of the night feedings! I have been trying to do prenatal yoga a few nights a week and that helped to relax me. It also feels GREAT to stretch. I bought the Fit Mommy to Be DVD by Hilaria Baldwin and love it.

Best moment this week? Finally getting started on the nursery! We ordered the glider for the nursery! It should be in Wednesday :) I also got a grey shag rug from Target for his room & a cube organizer for all of his toys & stuff! Still need to decide on a crib (I am trying to decide between two) and find a dresser! 

Miss anything? I do miss being able to get out of bed without having to roll out of bed! Haha. 

Movement: The past two weeks, he has been moving & kicking SO much more and SO much stronger! I just loooove it! It is usually when I finally sit down or lay down to relax in the evenings. But it is starting to be more often throughout the day too.

Food cravings: Breakfast is still my favorite!!! Every morning I eat eggs, grits, and some kind of fruit (usually berries)....Then some days I will throw in bacon or toast with homemade peach jam or waffles. Just whatever we have. I could eat breakfast for every meal :)

Anything making you queasy or sick? Well....Josh loves hard boiled eggs. He mainly only eats the egg whites for protein.. but something about the sound of him peeling the eggs & then seeing him eat it makes me feel sick! But besides that I am good!

Labor signs? No, thank goodness! 

Symptoms: Heart burn has been TERRIBLE the past week or so. I now carry Tums with me everywhere I go and that seems to help some. Also, if I eat too much I have this terrible full feeling like I could just pop! Also, I am more tired! Everyone says that you have this burst of energy in  your 2nd trimester but it hasn't hit me yet!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time? Most of the time I am happy!! I have noticed that the past week, I have been a little more irritable. I think it is because I didn't sleep the best last week and I had a busy work week also. So I was just tired and moody!

Looking forward to: Our childbirth classes start tomorrow! They will be once a week for the next 5 weeks. I am also looking forward to spending some time with my sweet hubby today! We are both off work and planning on dinner & a movie! Love him soo much :)

it's a ......

Words just cannot say how excited we are to be having a sweet baby boy!!!! AHHHH :) I really had no intuition or feelings on whether it was a boy or girl.. but Josh has said all along that he thought it was a boy and he was right! I hope he is just like his daddy!

So it has been a while since I updated....where do I even begin?? We had our hard wood floors refinished (We looove them and I hope to have pics soon :)) and that has taken up a lot of my time. We had to completely move everything out of our house since we have hard woods throughout..and then move everything back in. But it really was worth it now that it is all over with. We have wanted to do it ever since we bought our house 5 years ago and knew that if we didn't do it before baby gets here- then it wasn't going to happen!

Last week was a pretty eventful week! Some great, some not so great. It all began last weekend when I was meeting some girlfriends at a restaurant in Nashville. The floors were very shiny and very slick and I knew as soon as I stepped on them that it was not going to be good! I slipped and  fell pretty hard on the concrete..most embarrassing moment EVER! I was wearing a dress and I know for a fact I flashed about ten tables. There is just no graceful way of getting up while you are pregnant with a dress on! I was soo sore and spent the next 2 days laying around. It felt  like I had pulled every muscle in my body. I did not fall on my stomach and I felt the baby moving but I called the doctor anyway just to let them know because I was having a little cramping. We already had our 20 week ultrasound and dr appt scheduled for last Friday but they suggested I go in on Monday to get an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay. So we did and thankfully everything was good!! That is when we found out it was a BOY! Best moment EVER! I cried (tears of joy!) and Josh was over the moon excited! He was sucking his thumb and moving all over the place! Soo precious and just so amazing! Our last ultrasound was 10 weeks earlier and it is just crazy how much he had grown since then! We went back Friday for the 20 week scan so we got to see our sweet baby twice in one week! This scan was sooo amazing! They told us that he is already 11 ounces and that he is growing just perfect! What every mama wants to hear! Here are a few more pics :) I could just stare at them all day long!

I had been sooo anxious about the 20 week scan for weeks and weeks. I just wanted to know that everything was okay and that he was growing the way he should be. I have read online about how IVF can cause all of these deformities & problems with the baby...We even talked to our IVF dr about it during our consult back in January and he assured us that there were no known links between the two. But it was still in the back of my mind. About  3 weeks ago, I had a breakdown because I was just so nervous about it. My mom was over one day and she prayed with me and reminded me of something that really made me feel better. She said that it was GOD who was forming my baby- not the IVF. 

"For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand- when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139:13-18

So the past few weeks I had been feeling better....and then after we had our ultrasound on Monday I was looking at the pictures and I noticed this one picture and it looked like he did not have feet!! OMGoodness! So all week until we had our next ultrasound I was such a nervous wreck! But I am proud to say that he DOES have feet :) 2 of them with 10 toes each :) I made the ultrasound tech show me just so I would know for sure!

How I've been feeling... I was feeling GREAT! My back had started to hurt some so I started going to the chiropractor and that has worked wonders. But then I fell.....I was sore most of last week and my back had started hurting again. So back to the chiropractor again this week for me. Besides that I am feeling pretty good! I crave breakfast food big time and we eat ice cream cones every night :) I say "we" because Josh is enjoying all of my cravings as well! haha.

I feel like between the weeks 17-19 my stomach grew like crazy! Here are a couple of belly pics :)

I do feel like time is F L Y I N G by! I am now 20 weeks, 4 days! How can we already be halfway there?! Don't get me wrong- I am SO excited to meet our little man and cannot wait to hold him more than anything. But I am so enjoying this time being pregnant! I have wanted to be pregnant for years & years and I am really loving it! And I just looooove feeling him move around in my belly :) The past week the movements have gotten stronger and A LOT more frequent. And just within the last few days, you can even occasionally see a little thump on my belly! Crazy! Josh has seen it a couple of times too :) The ultrasound tech said the reason why I felt him move so early is because the placenta is actually behind him...instead of in front & between him and my belly. So basically I feel everything because he is right by my belly! I love it!

Next up on my calendar: Project Nursery!!! I have been getting tons of ideas on pinterest and cannot wait to decorate! Also, we need to decide on a name!! 

Baby bump pics!

Sorry it has been a while! We have been doing some remodeling to our house (pics in a few weeks when it is all done!) and it has worn me out. We have workers doing it all but just having your normal routine thrown off & having workers in your house is exhausting. Especially when you work from home and cannot get away from it all! But it will be so worth it. 

I have been TRYING to do good about taking pictures to keep up with the baby bump changes! I will be 17 weeks tomorrow! I cannot believe it! The first couple of months went by soooo slow but now I feel like it is flying by. It's crazy to think I started taking these pics 7 weeks ago but it seems like yesterday.. (the 1st 2 pictures were before we really told a lot of people...but it was getting harder to hide and some people were starting to figure things out!)

I am a couple of weeks behind but will try to take one within the next few days. Here is one last one of me & my sweetie! 

P.S. This was his 1st Father's Day! I love him SO much and cannot wait to see him as a daddy. He will be the best!

Our little blessing!!

Can I just say how good God is?!!! He has blessed us with far more than we deserve over the years and we are extremely thankful for this new little blessing :)

We are having a baby!!!!

I have wanted to say those words for years!!! I am 15 weeks now and due December 4th! It has been a long hard journey but it was so worth it. God's timing is so perfect and we are soooo thankful.

I'll back up and finish where I left off from my last post. We did our blood work on March 31 to see if the IVF treatments worked. My IVF nurse finally called with the results at the end of the work day and told me I was pregnant and that my HCG numbers were great!! They actually were on the higher side at 315...which made me wonder if we were having twins! She said with a pregnancy they want the HCG level to be at 75..so 315 was kind of high. She said she wanted my numbers to double 2 days later. So I went back on April 2 for more blood work and they had more than doubled to 689! So things were looking good but I was still very nervous. At that point, I was only 4 weeks along and was anxious for the ultrasound. I wanted to make sure there was a good heart beat and also wanted to see how many babies I had inside of me!! 

We had our first ultrasound on April 18...Good Friday...and yes it was a very good day :) At that point I was 7 weeks, 1 day. I was so nervous when we went back to the room that I felt so shaky! It was a very fast ultrasound. Just enough to see that there was only one baby and that the heart rate was at 122!

Not the best pic but the baby is where the dotted lines are :) I have to say that we were SOO happy & thankful..but also a little disappointed & sad because we wondered about the other baby that we transferred. I know some people may think it is no big deal but it was to us because we believe it was a life. But we know we have completely put our lives and this whole process in God's hand and we just have to believe that He is still in control no matter what. 

We had our 2nd ultrasound on May 5 and that is the ultrasound picture I posted at the beginning of this post. The heart rate was at 175 then and things were still looking great! I was 9 weeks, 4 days and that point and to be 100% honest-----It did not feel very real up until that point! We had tried for 5 years to get pregnant and now I finally was and I had a hard time believing it! I was so excited but also so guarded during that time. I was very nervous and tried not too get too excited because I was so scared of being disappointed just like I have been the past 5 years over and over again. BUT something happened that day during the ultrasound that changed my thinking! While we were watching the screen, the baby was moving its hand and then out of no where it did a complete flip!!!!!!! The crazy thing is that I did not feel a thing! I fell in love instantly!! This was a little life inside of me (doing flips!) that God has blessed me with. A little life that would change ours completely. We both cried that day. Tears of joy, of course :)

We have had two check ups so far with my regular OB. After my HCG levels came back good, Dr. Silber's office released me to my regular doctor. I did have to continue my progesterone shots up until 11 weeks, which was May 15. I was SOOO glad to be done with all of my shots. I counted and since we started IVF I had 101 shots!! All worth it though! I even got brave and towards the end I was giving them to myself! We are talking a B I G needle in the hip. But on the nights that Josh was working, I got tired of having to find someone to do them for me so I just did it. It was hard every time though! 

At our last appointment, we got to hear the baby's heart beat out loud!!! It was the sweetest sound ever! I was 13 weeks, 1 day. My doctor said at that point when you hear it out loud, your chances of miscarriage go way down. From 1 in 6 to 1 in 50! So at that point we felt safe to tell the world... aka facebook! Ha. We had told our families and just a few close friends but had not told a lot of people. We wanted to wait until it was a little more safe. We go back in two weeks just for a check up. Then the next appointment after that will be the big one! We will get another ultrasound and find out the sex! 

How I've been feeling----I have had about 3 weeks off and on that I was so nauseous. It was mainly between weeks 6-8. It was an allllll day sick feeling but I only threw up once. I actually think the day I threw up was because of the iron I am having to take for being anemic. Smells were terrible. The smell of food cooking made me SO sick. And going to the grocery store and smelling things over by the deli/bakery...ugh. I didn't cook much for a while but Josh was a good sport :) I was also so tired. But right around week 9, I started to feel GREAT. I was getting some energy back too by then. There have been a few days here and there that I still feel so tired & sick, but besides that I still feel great! Some days I wonder if I am even still pregnant...but then the next day I will feel terrible and think- oh yes, I am! I am actually really surprised. I have always thought I would have a terrible pregnancy because I have a weak stomach and things make me sick & car sick. But I have been very lucky and I am very thankful about that! 

This post could go on and on because there is just so much to say! But I will stop for now.. Next post will have some belly pics because yes, there is already a bump! Yay!

2 week wait torture

I have sat down several times to write this post but every time I tried, I could not think of any words. That is how my mind has been these past couple of weeks. I really didn't think the 2ww would be as hard as it has been. I mean, we have had 5 years worth of 2 week waits. I could handle this one too. But boy was I wrong. 

It has been 12 days since our transfer. The first 4-5 days I was home, I was literally exhausted from everything my body had just been through. Not to mention how mentally exhausted I was too. The progesterone shots have not been helping at all. They have made me sooo tired! We were warned that the progesterone would also give me pregnancy-like symptoms...so there goes me trying to guess if it worked or not! Some "symptoms" I have had....

tiredness, bloating, cramping, breast soreness, maybe a slight sensitivity to smells, some heartburn. But that is about it. Keep in mind that these are ALL side effects of the lovely progesterone shots also. 

I finally started feeling close to myself again last Monday. I even went for a walk with my friend, April, and was just enjoying my time off from work. But things have started to bloom around here and so have my allergies!!! I have not taken my allergy medicine because of everything going on...and I could tell. I got so sick and was sick most of last week with allergy/sinus junk. I am still coughing today but starting to feel so much better now, thank goodness. So I have not done much this past week at all because I have just felt terrible. It has given me LOTS of time to sit and just think.. Not a good combo during this 2ww.

I also did something terrible. Something they told me NOT to do but I caved under pressure & took a pregnancy test. I knew it was a bad idea and I also knew it was way too early..... I took the test 5 days past transfer......but there was one sitting in my bathroom and I just had to. It was negative. Even though I expected it to be negative, it really did something to me. It opened up my mind to a lot of doubt & fear. It really just hit me that- oh my gosh, this really may not work. This whole process has been MUCH harder emotionally than I thought it was going to be. And the thought of it not working just made me depressed. Literally. I thought I was going crazy in my mind for most of this week. I even forgot for a few days about God's word and His promises. What is wrong with me? Okay, so I didn't actually forget but I was not putting my trust in Him. I was putting my trust in google and in my mind- which at this point was totally under attack by the devil. I am so thankful for Josh and my mom & dad and my best friend, Annie, for reminding me over and over that God is in control. Then at church this morning, the whole sermon was on PEACE and COMFORT. Thank you, Lord. He knew that was just what I needed to hear :)

 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:6-9

We go tomorrow for our beta test (blood pregnancy test) and then also again on Wednesday. We have decided that no matter what the results are, we will be keeping it to ourselves for a little while...besides our parents, of course :) They have been such a huge support during this and we will want to share with them. But if it is positive, then it will still be SO early. And if it is negative, then we will need some time just to ourselves to sort things through. Thank you for all of your prayers during this time! We really appreciate it!

Embryo transfer :)

We arrived at St. Luke's hospital yesterday morning at about 5:50am. We were so excited because we knew this was the day I could possibly be getting pregnant!! We have prayed and prayed and prayed for this day for so long. We were also very anxious to see how many of our 8 fertilized eggs made it to an embryo!

They put us back in the little room where we were Monday for our retrieval. They said josh could go in with me during the transfer and we were very happy about that. We got all changed and just waited a couple of hours. Our transfer was set for 8:00! Josh looked so cute in his outfit :)

Dr. Silber came in the room right around 8am and told us that all 8 fertilized eggs made it to an embryo! This was amazing news!! He then gave us this picture of the two little embryos we would be transferring! I cannot tell you how amazing it was to see this picture! How many people get to see their babies that early on?! It made all the hard work so worth it.

He said we have about a 70% chance of pregnancy and that he felt good about it but that it still is not 100% that it will work. Transferring 2 embryos does rasie the percentage some. It also raises the percentage of twins- which is 30%! We would be thrilled with whatever God chooses to give us! If it does not work this time, atleast we have 6 more that are frozen and we can try again. Freezing them does not affect the quality at all and they have a very good success rate with frozen embryo tranfers.

I feel like the hard part is over- the hard part for me was producing a lot of eggs and the retrieval... It was very painful for me. And the whole process was very emotionally draining. I am glad that I was in st. Louis during that time because I know if I was at home, I would have felt like I had to do this or that. I was able to really rest in St. Louis. The hardest part about the transfer was the fact that I had to have a full bladder and could not use the restroom after midnight. I was nervous about this so I set my alarm for 11:55pm so I could use the bathroom one more time!

Anyway, back to the actual transfer! We went back to the OR and got everything situated to get started. They said that if my body was relaxed the way they want, that it would only take 5 minutes. Dr. Silber talked to me the whole time he was doing it reminding me to just relax my whole body. It really helped so much that he did that because every time I felt like I was getting tense, he would remind me to just relax. Josh and I did not say a word the whole time because we did not want to distract him from what he was doing! He used a noodle-like catheter to transfer the embryos. I couldn't feel much and it was almost pain free. Very similar to a Pap smear....a little more uncomfortable though because of the full bladder. He said I did perfect and it was done before I knew it! I was so relieved!!!!! I did have a little cramping right after and he said that was normal. But within 30minutes I felt back to myself and we were ready to go! (Oh, and they let me go to the restroom as soon as the transfer was over thank goodness! They said the embryos would not fall out... I know because I asked if they would!)

They want me to just take it easy and relax the next couple of weeks. They do not want me on bed rest but nothing bouncy and nothing stressful. They also stressed to me how important the progesterone shots are right now. Josh gives them to me every night right about 8:30. They are still NO fun at all but I would do it every single day for the rest  of my life if it means a healthy pregnancy and baby. They did say that they did not want me working around chemicals/hair color either for the next couple of weeks. That has been so hard having to re book everyone again :( I have never taken 4 weeks off in a row like this but all of my clients have been very understanding. I also have a couple of friends who are doing some of my clients for me while I am out and that has helped tremendously!! They said that the embryos are very sensitive to smells and that the lab they had them in had it's own ventilation system. They told me of a different fertility clinic (they didn't say where) that for one whole month they did not have any successful ivf's. They linked it to the fact that the parking lot was being re paved and the whole building smelled like that. So they just do not want to take any chances and neither do I.

We drove home yesterday afternoon and it is SO good to be home!!!! Oh my goodness, I have missed my own bed so much and my own food! I am so tired of eating out. We will know in a couple of weeks if it worked or not. I keep reminding myself that God is in control no matter what. It is in His hands!

Egg retrieval!

Our egg retrieval was yesterday and they were able to retrieve 15 eggs!! 15!! This is how it all happened:

We arrived at St. Luke's hospital at about 5:35.. 25 minutes early! They were calling for a rain/snow mixture so I wanted to leave in plenty of time. Turns out that the weather was not bad at all so we were way early. They took us in a little room where we spent the next 2 hours. I got changed into 2 gowns and some slippers that they gave me. They also gave me some warm blankets which I loved! Every now and then the nurse would come in and ask me some questions. Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and hooked my IV up. He was very nice. About 15 min before the scheduled retrieval, Dr. Silber and Dr. DeRosa came in to talk to us for a minute. And then it was time to go! I got really nervous all of a sudden. I was nervous about mainly being put to sleep. The nurse walked me back to the OR and the doctors and several other people were already in there waiting for me. When I walked in, Dr. DeRosa said "yes, we need to get you pregnant because you are just too cute!". And Dr. Silber said "yes, we need to get these genes passed down!". I thought it was funny and sweet but still was so nervous!! I laid down with my legs in stirrups (yes.. Very awkward with a room full of people watching. I was completely covered but STILL!) and the anesthesiologist started hooking me up and putting stickers on me and putting air in my nose.. It was all very overwhelming. But Dr. DeRosa sat there and held my hand the whole time! It really helped so much to have him do that! Another reason why I love our doctors! He said my hands were freezing so they got me another warmblanket to help me relax. Then they told me to pick a good dream and that I would be out in about 15 seconds. I told them I was at the beach and they all laughed and said they wished they were there too! The next few seconds were very scary. I felt a lot of tingling in my head and I knew it was about to happen. I hated that feeling because I was not in control of my body at all!! I wanted to say - hang on a minute!! Not yet!! The next second I tried to fight it.. The next second I was praying .. The next second I was OUT!

I woke up back in the little room Josh and I first started in. I remember hearing josh say that we got 15 eggs but honestly that was not my main concern at the moment..I just remember everything being so bright and then I felt them. The cramps!!!! Oh my goodness. I did not realize the cramping would so bad. Imagine terrible period cramps times 10! And my left ovary was throbbing for some reason. The nurse got me some medicine to take and within 30 minutes I was feeling much better.  Then the nurse came in and taught josh how to give me the progesterone shot! This is a bigger shot than what I have been doing and it goes in my hip/butt. I have to do this shot every day and if we do get pregnant, I will continue for 8 weeks!!! I can say that my butt is already soooo sore from those shots!! It feels like I have been doing Brazil butt lift videos but trust me- that is not the case.

We stayed in that little room for about an hour and a half and were starving by the time we left. So we got breakfast at IHOP then went back to the room and passed out until about 4:30! When we woke up, the cramps were back. Not quite as bad but I could tell the medicine was wearing off . I took some Tylenol and we just relaxed all night.  Today has been the same way- very relaxing. The cramps are still there but not as bad AT ALL. And my ovaries finally feel so much better. We did get out and get some dinner and went to see a movie. We saw 12 years of slave. It was so sad but so good!!

We did talk to Dusty today and she told us that out of the 15 eggs- 10 were mature and 8 actually fertilized!!!!!! We go back in Wednesday morning at 6 am and the transfer will be at 8am.  We will find out then how many if those 8 actually made it to embryo stage!! We have decided to transfer 2 and freeze the rest! It is all just so amazing and we are so excited!!! Thank you so much for all of your prayers!