Opening up about {infertility}

I  am not sure how to even begin this post. For some reason, saying it out loud (or in this case, typing!) can be so hard. But who knew that we would be that one couple out of ten that would be dealing with infertility. I have decided to share our story to hopefully help others going through the same thing. Just knowing you are not alone and hearing other people's experiences have helped me, and I want to do the same. I also want this to be a journal so I do not forget our journey step by step!

It all started 5 1/2 years ago when we got married :) We both looove kids and wanted them pretty soon after marriage. So we decided 6 months after we got married that I would quit taking birth control and just see what happens. After 6 months of nothing happening, I  talked to my OB-GYN and he suggested waiting another 6 months and then trying clomid. So that is what we did. I took clomid 50 mg for 2 months with no luck. My follicle size was not good so they put me on 100 mg instead. It did seem to help with the follicle size but still I was not pregnant. So after 5 months total of clomid, he said there was nothing more he could do and he referred us to Nashville Fertility. We saved up some money and about a year later made an appointment for a consultation and what a terrible experience that was!! Our consultation cost almost $3000 and we left with no answers! We were so upset and devastated! After that experience, we decided to take a break from the doctor route and just see what happens again. Well, another year goes by and still no baby! We then decided to try an IUI. We tried for 4 months to actually get one scheduled because the IUI date kept on falling on the weekend when my doctor was going to be out of town. FINALLY, we were able to do it. My follicle size was not the best but we decided to try it anyway....and it did not work :( We were so upset! We decided to take another break after that. Financially and emotionally- we just needed a break! Fast forward 2 years later to now..still no baby! Not even one positive pregnancy test in 5 years.

The past 5 years have been very hard emotionally. We have prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle and for healing. There were times where I felt so far from God during that time. I felt like He never heard my prayers. I think the 1st and 2nd year were the hardest. I never thought about anything else except for getting pregnant. I wished every single month away..... It did get easier with time. My prayers began to shift into praying for contentment for this season we are in. I prayed that God would give me peace and that HE would help ME put HIM in control of my life. And to just be still and know that He is God. I wrote different scriptures on post its and put them all over my house as reminders. I am not going to say that it was not hard and that it was easy. But His grace has helped me make it through the last 5 years. I remember hearing stories of people who have been trying for years and years and years to get pregnant. Honestly, I remember thinking that I would just DIE if I had to wait that long. But here I am. I am still alive 5 years later! And it is all because of Him.

Looking back, I am thankful that it didn't happen right away for many reasons. It has given me time with my husband! There were a lot of times when the stress caused arguments, but overall it has made us SO much closer!! It has also given us time to start a home together and build up our careers. I have my salon in my basement and it is going great. AND Josh now has the job he has always wanted! He has been through a lot of schooling and training the past couple of years and it would have made it harder if we had children. We could have made it work like people do... but it definitely would have been harder! Most of all, it has allowed me to have a closer relationship with the Lord! I have learned to lean on Him and fully trust him 100%!! I don't think I could have honestly said that a few years ago.

Last year, we began praying that God would show us His will for our lives. We were ready to take it to the next step. We were not sure what that next step would be, but we know we wanted God's will. We had several doctors over the years tell us we would have to do IVF to get pregnant & we were starting to lean that way. But it just always seemed so out of reach financially... But God opened that door for us the week before Christmas.. We had 2 different couples that we love and look up to come to us within 12 hours of each other and give us money for IVF! In 12 hours, we had all the money we needed!! It was such an answer to prayer! Neither one of them knew that the other was doing it...and they all felt led by the Lord to do it. And that was our confirmation :) We had prayed and prayed for so long to get pregnant.. and this was His way of providing for us. We are so so thankful.

We are very excited about this next journey!!! I will fill you in on my next post all of the details but I start my first injection tonight! We are very aware that this could be a process and take several tries but no matter what happens- We are trusting the Lord!! He is in control.