Ready to go!

Good news! My ultrasound and bloodwork came back good and they are happy with how I am progressing. Thank you Lord! So our IVF coordinator gave us the go to start the stim shots! So Thursday night I had to do 3 injections...Lupron, Follistim, and a microdose HCG shot. I was really nervous about all of that but honestly it was not as bad as I thought it would be! I still think Lupron hurts the most. Only because my skin stings and turns red right after the injection. But it doesn't last long. Now I am just doing Lupron (smaller dose) & Follistim. The Follistim is what will make a lot of eggs! But it is also making my body ACHE. It started in my right leg. I mean, my whole leg- the thigh, knee, calf, ankle,toes- would just throb. Now it is both legs & my right arm and wrist.

My mom & I are leaving right after church tomorrow for St. Louis!!! I cannot believe it is finally here. It still does not feel real! I will be going to the doctor several days next week for more ultrasounds and blood work. They want to monitor me & check my levels so they can adjust the meds as needed. They are watching me very close because I have PCOS and a lot of follicles & they do not want to overstimulate me. Not only could it cancel the cycle- but it is very dangerous and painful. But we are just praying that does not happen.

I am also VERY excited about just getting away and spending some time with my mom! I know there will be a lot of emotions going on and I may not feel the best, but I am looking forward to just hanging out with her. We are going to relax and watch movies and work on some crafts in the room. We have also found a few consignment stores online that we want to find when we get there!

I am also looking forward to this time change tonight. I am so ready for spring and longer days! Not too much longer!



Lupron & monitoring & such

Well, not really anything new going on here...YET! Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since I have been on Lupron. Side effects? First, hot flashes and night sweats for sure!! The hot flashes can come on at any time but especially when I am blow drying my client's hair in the salon. But the night sweats...that is a different story. They happen every.single.night and I usually wake up soaking wet. It's terrible! Another side effect... sex. It hurts! Sorry if that is TMI but it can be a side effect and it definitely is with me. I have never had this problem before so I know it is the Lupron. It puts you in a menopausal state... I actually saw a commercial the other day talking to women going through menopause regarding sex. Apparently, there is a medicine that helps make it not as painful. I feel their pain! ANYWAY. Another side effect is that I have been a little emotional. Nothing too bad though. I have read where some women feel mean and irritated but luckily I have not felt that way. I have also been having some headaches, which can be a side effect..but it could also be because I have quit drinking caffeine. I loooove my coffee so this has been hard but my doctor does recommend it so that is what I am doing. I also gave up my kickboxing class I have been teaching.

I went this morning for my 1st monitoring appointment. I had an ultrasound done to check my follicles. She said I had a lot of follicles on each ovary but no dominant one. I do not know if that is normal or what that means! I also had blood work done to check my hormone levels. Our IVF coordinator will be getting in touch with me sometime today to tell me the results of everything. If it all looks good, we will be starting the stimulation shots tomorrow!! It is called Follistim. I will also take a HCG shot tomorrow. I have been very nervous about these appointments this morning. I am so worried that they are going to say something is not right or the way it should be & we will have to delay it all. I know it will be okay if that happens but I just think about my work schedule. I had to take off for 2 weeks because we will be in St. Louis for about 10 days or so. I have it all worked out now but if it gets pushed back then it will be hard to reschedule everyone again. But I also know I do not need to worry- especially about something I cannot change or do anything about.

The past few days we have had a lot of ice and snow! A lot for Tennessee anyway! It has been such a mess but also really pretty. Here are a few pictures.

And one more of my sweet boy!



PCOS and IVF

So, last week I shared about our struggle with infertility (you can read about it here)   and I am so glad I did! Several other sweet bloggers commented & shared their stories and I just want to say thank you to all of you! It really helps knowing we are not alone :) I also shared that we are doing IVF! But let me back up a little to fill you in on what we are dealing with.

The past 5 years have been so frustrating for so many reasons..but especially when you do not know why you are not getting pregnant! We spent soo much money and did so many tests and blood work and ultrasounds but never had an answer. I know this is a common thing and not just something we have dealt with. We also knew that we did not want to go back to Nashville Fertility but let me just say something really fast!! I am not saying it is a bad place with bad doctors. I have a friend from church who works there and we also have friends who are currently going there and are happy with their doctor. WE just had a terrible experience and when you mix that with something that is a very sensitive subject, it can cause bad feelings! Anyway :)

I have been reading Julee Turner's blog for several years and I also follow her on IG. One day she posted on IG about how much she loved her fertility doctor. His name is Dr. Sherman Silber at St. Luke's Hospital in St. Louis. I started doing some research on him and found out that he is one of the top fertility specialists in the country! So when we were blessed financially to be able to even consider IVF, we knew we wanted to meet with him. We set up our consult and took off to St. Louis on January 29th. It is 4 1/2 from where we live but it was actually a really fun road trip! We were exhausted by the end of the day though because we did it all in one day and got home about midnight! They do ultrasounds there that can tell you where you are on your biological clock. Let me just tell you, I was nervous. I thought it was going to say my time is up.. After the ultrasound, we went over to meet with him so he could tell us the results....

He told me I was born with a disease - PCOS. He also said that I have a crazy abnormal amount of antral follicles (which are eggs) for my body size. You would think that having a ton of eggs would be a good thing BUT it is actually causing my body & hormones to not work properly and because of that: I never ovulate! That is why I have never gotten pregnant. That is why the clomid never worked. Another crazy thing he told me.... as I get older and my eggs die off, I will have the appropriate amount for my body size so I will probably start ovulating in my 40's! And that I more than likely will not go through menopause until my 70's! I was shocked. But I am so glad that I finally know WHY now! He said IVF is our best bet so that is what we are doing. We are so glad we found Dr. Silber! We love him and his staff and trust him 100%. I think that one of the most important things is trusting your doctor!

IVF is pretty long process! We had tonnnns of paperwork and had to get medical releases and blood work to check for diseases and so on...But I think the most overwhelming thing so far has been when the cooler full of meds were delivered to my front door! This is what all this cooler consisted of:

I let Josh go through it when he got home and it made sense to him since he is an EMT, thank goodness.
 The first step was to start on birth control for 2 weeks and I actually just took my last pill last night. The birth control pills decrease the chances of creating cysts that could interfere with the cycle & it also allows the doctor to control the timing of the cycle. I was on birth control when I was younger and it used to make me so sick so I was worried.. but I never got sick or nauseous or anything!

 Then came the shots.... I had to start doing Lupron injections last Thursday. Lupron suppresses the pituitary gland so that the ovaries will not be able to make an egg or ovulate without taking gonadotropins. Josh has done them every night except for tonight. He is working so I had to do it myself and it was so hard :( It took about 10 minutes for me to get the nerve to do it. I have never liked shots but honestly they have never been a big deal either. I will get them at the doctor's office- no problem. But this is different! We have mainly been doing them in my stomach but it seems to hurt more and more each time so last night we did it in my thigh. It didn't seem to hurt quite as bad. As far as side effects go: I can tell I am more tired during the day. And more emotional FOR SURE! And probably a little more irritable. But that is about it.

I will continue just doing the Lupron for another week and then cutting back the dosage and adding a couple of different shots. Not looking forward to it but it will be SO worth it one day :)  

Opening up about {infertility}

I  am not sure how to even begin this post. For some reason, saying it out loud (or in this case, typing!) can be so hard. But who knew that we would be that one couple out of ten that would be dealing with infertility. I have decided to share our story to hopefully help others going through the same thing. Just knowing you are not alone and hearing other people's experiences have helped me, and I want to do the same. I also want this to be a journal so I do not forget our journey step by step!

It all started 5 1/2 years ago when we got married :) We both looove kids and wanted them pretty soon after marriage. So we decided 6 months after we got married that I would quit taking birth control and just see what happens. After 6 months of nothing happening, I  talked to my OB-GYN and he suggested waiting another 6 months and then trying clomid. So that is what we did. I took clomid 50 mg for 2 months with no luck. My follicle size was not good so they put me on 100 mg instead. It did seem to help with the follicle size but still I was not pregnant. So after 5 months total of clomid, he said there was nothing more he could do and he referred us to Nashville Fertility. We saved up some money and about a year later made an appointment for a consultation and what a terrible experience that was!! Our consultation cost almost $3000 and we left with no answers! We were so upset and devastated! After that experience, we decided to take a break from the doctor route and just see what happens again. Well, another year goes by and still no baby! We then decided to try an IUI. We tried for 4 months to actually get one scheduled because the IUI date kept on falling on the weekend when my doctor was going to be out of town. FINALLY, we were able to do it. My follicle size was not the best but we decided to try it anyway....and it did not work :( We were so upset! We decided to take another break after that. Financially and emotionally- we just needed a break! Fast forward 2 years later to now..still no baby! Not even one positive pregnancy test in 5 years.

The past 5 years have been very hard emotionally. We have prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle and for healing. There were times where I felt so far from God during that time. I felt like He never heard my prayers. I think the 1st and 2nd year were the hardest. I never thought about anything else except for getting pregnant. I wished every single month away..... It did get easier with time. My prayers began to shift into praying for contentment for this season we are in. I prayed that God would give me peace and that HE would help ME put HIM in control of my life. And to just be still and know that He is God. I wrote different scriptures on post its and put them all over my house as reminders. I am not going to say that it was not hard and that it was easy. But His grace has helped me make it through the last 5 years. I remember hearing stories of people who have been trying for years and years and years to get pregnant. Honestly, I remember thinking that I would just DIE if I had to wait that long. But here I am. I am still alive 5 years later! And it is all because of Him.

Looking back, I am thankful that it didn't happen right away for many reasons. It has given me time with my husband! There were a lot of times when the stress caused arguments, but overall it has made us SO much closer!! It has also given us time to start a home together and build up our careers. I have my salon in my basement and it is going great. AND Josh now has the job he has always wanted! He has been through a lot of schooling and training the past couple of years and it would have made it harder if we had children. We could have made it work like people do... but it definitely would have been harder! Most of all, it has allowed me to have a closer relationship with the Lord! I have learned to lean on Him and fully trust him 100%!! I don't think I could have honestly said that a few years ago.

Last year, we began praying that God would show us His will for our lives. We were ready to take it to the next step. We were not sure what that next step would be, but we know we wanted God's will. We had several doctors over the years tell us we would have to do IVF to get pregnant & we were starting to lean that way. But it just always seemed so out of reach financially... But God opened that door for us the week before Christmas.. We had 2 different couples that we love and look up to come to us within 12 hours of each other and give us money for IVF! In 12 hours, we had all the money we needed!! It was such an answer to prayer! Neither one of them knew that the other was doing it...and they all felt led by the Lord to do it. And that was our confirmation :) We had prayed and prayed for so long to get pregnant.. and this was His way of providing for us. We are so so thankful.

We are very excited about this next journey!!! I will fill you in on my next post all of the details but I start my first injection tonight! We are very aware that this could be a process and take several tries but no matter what happens- We are trusting the Lord!! He is in control.

Playing catch up..

Has it really been over a year since I have been on here?! Wow. What a slacker! 2013 really was a great year. Very busy, but still full of blessings. So much happened so I am going to try my best to fill you in on everything. Let's start from the beginning :) 

Josh got hired at Hendersonville Fire Department in October 2012! He had to go through their fire academy in Bell Buckle and was gone Feb-April. He did get to come home one day on the weekends but it was pretty lonely around here during the week. I tried to keep myself busy by working a lot and started exercising with my mom a lot. I lost a few pounds (that I gained after we got married!!) while he was gone. He lost like 20 lbs while he was gone! It was a great learning experience for him also. He graduated from the academy in April. Oh happy day :) 

Summer was very, very busy. Josh's schedule is 24 hours on, 48 hours off. So he is able to do his grass and landscaping job on the side. It it is great for extra money but did become stressful at times. Our schedules were totally different. If he ever had an evening off, I would be working late in the salon that night & visa versa. We are going to try and coordinate our schedules a little better this summer for sure. We did get to take a little time off to go on vacation with our families! We had such a great time with everyone. That will be for a separate post with tons of pictures :) 

Towards the end of the summer, Josh got a very exciting email. It was from Nashville Fire Department offering him a job!!! This was such wonderful news! Josh has always wanted to work at NFD and his name has been on their list for years. It is his dream job! I am so so proud of him. He had to go through another round of fire academy though! Luckily, this time his school was in Nashville and he was able to come home every night. It was nice having him home every evening :) His schooling started in October and he just finished the beginning of January. So 2 fire academies in one year! Whew! He is loving his new job so far. He is back on 24 hours on, 48 hours off. It is MUCH busier in Nashville, which is what he wanted- more experience. He has already seen so much. He loves it but it makes me worry about him. So I have been praying like crazy for him- for protection ... for his mind and what he will be seeing ... for him to stay strong in his faith and be a good example for others. I know God has big plans for him and I am so thankful for him! 

Another exciting thing that happened in 2013 was that my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary! We threw them a big party and it was SUCH a great day! That is for a separate post also.

It is crazy how times flies by. It is already another year just like that. This year I want to focus on my relationships. First of all, with the Lord. I want to have a closer relationship with Him. I want to study the bible, instead of just skimming through it. I want to pray more and just walk daily with Him. Next, I want to focus on my relationships with my family and friends. Life is SO busy. We are too busy for each other. I have cut back my hours in the salon for a few reasons. One of them is to be able to spend more time with ones I love. I do not want to be so busy that I do not have time to invest in someones life. I am doing OK so far this year with my goals! I could always improve but it is better than where I was. I love this quote by Max Lucado-

"Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the One who hears it and not the one who says it, our prayers make a difference."

I hope you have a blessed day and take some time to spend with the Lord and to invest in someones life. You never know what a difference it could make :)

Jake!

The first week we had Jake, I wondered what in the world we had done. But we are both adjusting now, thank goodness :) I love this little thing so much!

 How do you resist this sweet face? And those eyes?!!!

 After his 1st bath :)

 Kobe is starting to get used to him. He hated him at first and was so sad and jealous! It made me so sad :( But he is getting much better now. He still is not crazy about it but thankfully it is getting better.

 Sleeping with his tongue stuck out! He is a very loud sleeper & snores a lot!

 I love my babies SO much!!! :)

Big News!

Ever since Josh was in high school, he has wanted to be a firefighter. He went to college on a baseball scholarship and got his bachelors in criminal justice. Since he graduated from college 3 years ago, he has been trying to get on the fire department. He has been volunteering and earlier this year he went to EMT school. He has tested & applied for different fire departments for the past 3 years but it is just so hard to get on. WELL, guess who just hired as a firefighter for Hendersonville Fire Department?!!!! This is definitely an answer to prayer for sure!! He starts Friday! I am SO proud of him and so excited about his new career! Thank you to everyone who has been praying these last few years :)

Something else very exciting! We have a new family member! Meet Jake :)

He is a boxer puppy and is so sweet!! He was 6 weeks old in the picture but he is now 8 weeks old and already getting bigger. He is a handful but we love him so much!